Well, I hoped that I would get all 10 strategies reviewed within a week, but, life happened! Between sick kids, my birthday, more sick kids, and now we’ve entered the month of family visits, things just got away from me. I hope you’ll forgive. Good news is, I’ve got the next two strategies right here for you!

Strategy #34: Teach rather than preach

Preaching has an impatient, condescending spirit to it. Teaching is different. It is sharing and discovery. It honors the learner as an essential contributor.

I will be honest, I struggle with this. I think there is a fine line, that I too often cross as I think I am teaching my daughter. But if I really stopped and listened to myself, I would find that I am preaching! So, how do I stay on the side of teaching without slipping into preaching? I think first and foremost is the spirit in which we do it in. If we catch ourselves lecturing, or speaking down to our child, then we are definitely preaching. But, if we get down at our child’s level, maybe hold the child, and then in a loving tone, explain why we don’t throw objects in the house, giving them the opportunity to also think of consequences of their actions, the home will be a much more peaceful place and our child will have been taught. Another way to teach our children is through example. As Dr. Goddard points out in this strategy, children see what methods are used by their parents, and in turn repeat those same methods.

Stretegy #37: Learn your children’s languages of love

Effective parenting requires us to deliver what is important to the specific child we are loving.

We can deliver the message in the way that works for each child. How can we know what each child wants? We can notice what each child asks for. We can notice how each child tends to show love. And we can notice what we have done in the past that seemed to be an effective message of love for that child.

We all have different things that help us feel loved and safe. For example, my oldest daughter loves to have her back scratched and rubbed. When she is feeling distraught or upset or is just needing some extra attention, if I hold her or lay her head on my lap and rub her back, she calms. I cherish these moments in our otherwise loud and chaotic life (because come on, isn’t life with young energetic children always loud and chaotic - if not - them let me in in your secret!). I’ve also found that singing soothing, familiar songs helps both of my girls. But lets say, that instead of taking a break and rubbing my daughters back while singing a song, I offer to make a big bowl of spaghetti ( I know food spells love to me!). Do you think my daughter will respond as well, or feel as loved as she would’ve if I’d just taken that moment to speak her love language? Most likely not.

So take the time to observe your children and discover their love language.

*I recommend reading Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages,if you want to learn more on this subject.

Strategy #20: Go walking

“The walk is likely to be helpful if we use the time to enjoy God’s world. The time is likely to be unproductive if we mentally heap hot coals upon our children’s heads. … As our focus turns from our irritation to our blessings, we are likely to have more helpful perspective.”

Sometimes it is helpful to step away from the situation and allow our minds to turn towards something else. I know that when I am feeling especially frustrated or upset, removing myself from the situation and getting out, helps me refocus my heart and mind. Even if I need to take my girls with me, just being away from where the problems were occurring (most often at home), brings me peace, and renews my energy, thus enabling me to interact more effectively with my children (and my husband).

Strategy #13: Breathe deeply

“Some people us a mindfulness of breathing as part of meditation. It can turn us from fretting to relaxing. It can help us resist anger.”

This strategy really compliments strategy #20. While going walking, I find it calming, and re-centering to breathe deeply. It helps me relax and turn my thoughts and feelings from anger, frustrations and irritations, and then return to the situation and take a more gentle approach in dealing with the issues.